Parenting Social Media
As we discuss love, sex, and relationships as God designed them, we hope to bring truth to any of the surrounding topics. Because social media is such a prominent way that we can be influenced in these areas, we cannot avoid this important topic! We are passionate about bringing awareness to anything that might be influencing us, so here we’ll discuss intentional social media use and ways to have conversations and parent around this topic.
What is an appropriate age to introduce our children to social media?
There is no hard, fast rule here, because every child is different and they develop at different rates of maturity. So, you’ve got to look at your individual child, look at their heart, and see how they’re developing. Are they often seeking affirmation from others? Where is their identity? Most experts we look to do definitely agree that this should come post-middle school.
As parents, it is important we understand the way our child’s brain develops. When you are using social media, you get a little hit of dopamine, which is the feel good hormone. This could come from the number of likes you get or a photo that you see. The way dopamine works is that it’s never enough and never satisfies the real need in our hearts. That’s why it’s so important that we all recognize why we’re using social media. Truly, middle school brains don’t have the tools needed to recognize and navigate this well. So, as parents, we have to help them make good decisions, and be willing to take the time and do this in the area of social media.
We’ve also seen so many recent studies linking social media use to anxiety and depression. One study found that just twenty minutes of social media use leaves 60% of users feeling inadequate.
The prevalence of pornography on social media is a huge reason we believe in delaying social media access. Pornography is all over social media, and if you’d like to learn a little more about what that is, we have a whole podcast episode all about it. Another huge point is the prevalence of sexual predators on social media. Because of this and so many reasons, we strongly believe in delaying social media access until high school at the earliest.
Three things to think about before giving your child social media:
1: Can you trust your child?
There comes a time where you recognize that your child is trustworthy, and this is different for every child. To hand them such access, they have to be trustworthy.
2: Do they have a strong sense of worth?
By worth we mean their identity in Christ. Social media opens all of us up to feelings of unworthiness and falling into the comparison trap. So if your child does not have a strong sense of who they are and a confidence in who their friends are, then social media will be much more of a harm than it is a help to them.
3: Can your child trust you?
Have you created that open line of communication and had those conversations about hard things? If they were to see something that they knew was not okay, are they going to come to you and bring it into the light or will they feel the need to hide it and keep that in secret? Ask yourself these questions!
How do I introduce social media?
Let’s think about this as something as big as when your child gets their driver's licence, that they get a permit a year in advance and you go alongside them side by side, teaching them about how it works, the dangers, their responsibilities, and you’re actually driving along with them for that entire year. This is the same way! You want to walk alongside them, not just give it to them and walk away. Which also means you have to learn those things as well! Ask a friend to teach you or sit down with your child and say, “Let’s figure this out together!”
A few quick tips:
Be sure to follow your kids accounts, and make sure they have privacy settings in place.
Consider having your child join your family account before they get started on their own, so there is a lot of transparency there.
When they are on social media, think about having that on a bigger screen in the family room, so there’s no hidden place they’re going to. This helps keep them accountable! And the earlier you do this the better!
The average teen spends about nine hours a day on social media. But we want our teens to develop socially and have face-to-face time with people that have good influence on them. We’ve got to teach our teens to be present and plug into real life! So, limit time on social media.
Focus on real time as a family. We know that teens who have strong attachments to their families have better feelings of happiness and contentment than their peers who do not. Have some no-tech nights as a family. Remember, as parents, you are setting the example.
Our hope is that social media would be a good thing in each of our lives! Do this with your child! Disciple your children in this area, and every area, pointing them to Jesus. It’s always worth the fight!
This information was taken from a Worth the Fight podcast episode, for more info on this subject, listen to the full episode here: https://podlink.to/worth-the-fight-5