One Piece of Advice for Parents with Teens

I read several years ago that Lifeway Christian Research conducted a study of 2,000 Protestant and non-denominational parents. The parents were questioned on 40 different points and then gave their observations on nearly 4,000 adult children. The premise? The top practices of parents whose children were still actively pursuing a relationship with Christ and involved in their local church as adults. Among the top ten of the more obvious answers ("child read the Bible while growing up" and "child regularly served in church while growing up") was "child connected with several adults at church who intentionally invested in them." Bulls eye.

If I could offer any advice to a parent with a teenager, it would be to find them a person or place them in settings where they can find their own. I grew up in the church, was involved in my youth group, was surrounded by Christian friends, but it was the individual investment of mentors in my life that really pushed me to follow hard after Jesus. I was held accountable, loved for who I was, and discipled.

Discipleship makes all the difference.

When I was in seventh grade this looked like my Sunday School teacher, Elaina, inviting me to serve with her family at the homeless shelter. Elaina lived her faith out loud. It would have been easy for her to tell us that we should be serving and even what opportunities to serve in our church and community might look like, but Elaina willingly served and here it is: invited me to serve along side her. I can still smell the kitchen that first night we served and hear her prayer before we began heaping spaghetti onto plates...

I had several small group leaders and mentors when I was in high school who really invested in me. One of those was Cindy. Cindy started out as my small group leader at church, but she also discipled me my senior year. Every Tuesday after school I would drive to Cindy's house and sit on her couch as her toddlers danced around the living room floor. She challenged me, helped prepare me to live my faith as a young adult, asked the hard questions, prayed for me every week, showed up at all of my extracurricular events, and loved me really, really well. She didn't wait for the perfect time or place or babysitter, she offered up her couch and a Tuesday, and Jesus did the rest. Several weeks ago Cindy's oldest daughter got married and do you know the first person she introduced me to at the wedding reception? Pat. The woman who had discipled Cindy. One of my favorite full circle moments ever.

During my college years, Suzanne and Stephanie poured into my life. I was twelve hours away from home and they invited me into their homes to eat. Prayed with me in their offices. Suggested books. Challenged me to memorize scripture and apply it. Talked to me about life after college, the paths my career would take, what did I want my marriage to look like? We read through books and spent hours discussing them over lunch and coffee. Each of these women at different times in my college years were safe places to land. I learned so much from watching them pour into me and shoulder up beside me.

The investment is worth it.

The beautiful thing about discipleship and investment is that it has no end. Each of these women are still an integral part of my life today. Elaina was living overseas when I got married, but Cindy's daughters (the ones dancing around our feet on those Tuesday afternoons) were my flower girls. Suzanne prayed a prayer of blessing during our ceremony. I can distinctly remember going through a hard time in my twenties and happened to open a book one afternoon and a piece of paper with scripture in Stephanie's beautiful handwriting fell out. All have encouraged me through my journey as a mother. I'll never forget the afternoon Cindy showed up when I was in the throes of three boys in three years. She brought coffee for me, donuts for the boys, and changed diapers and led nature walks.

Discipleship doesn't have to be fancy. But it's important. Helping my boys connect with leaders and mentors who will reinforce what they are learning from us at home is high priority for us because we've seen the investment...we are the investment of so many different men and women who loved Jesus with their lives and by doing so, taught us to love Him with ours.